but I do find myself thinking and therefore writing about sex a lot. Big Papa tried like hell to have sex last night. I knew he wanted it for about an hour before he finally started touching me. I wasn't really in the mood (shocking) but I figured, what the hell if he touches me long enough and says the right things I'm sure my mind can be changed.
BIG PROBLEM. My mind kept wandering to Mr. Beautiful. How would he touch me? What would he smell like? Then (being the absolute horrible person that I am) I tried to just close my eyes and pretend Big Papa was Mr. Beautiful. No go. Not only could I not make the mental switch, the fact that it was not Mr. Beautiful pretty much turned me off.
Has Mr. Beautiful ruined me??? I'm sure he as not, I am sure this is just a temporary side effect but still....
I suppose I should complete the story to say that he finally managed to find the right spot to turn me off enough to decided to do the deed. But that is all it really felt like, a deed. I did get off, but again I think I probably just owe that to myself. Shit.
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